I spoke to my Mum and Dad today. Mum in Rotorua and Dad in Te Puke. I’ve realised now that I am older, how important my mātua are to me. As a rangatahi, a young person, selfish and tied up in my own world, I took my parents for granted. Actually I took life for granted. Life was all about me. My sisters will say that as the youngest I was spoilt but of course, I don’t agree! But I will say, Mum and Dad were at times soft!
We had a colourful upbringing and although at times it may not have been ideal, I am grateful for my experiences as a child that have instilled in me a resilience to bounce back from anything and an ability to be resourceful and solve problems.
Today I honour my mātua. I am grateful that they are still alive today and everyday I am thankful for that.
PS – I’ve used black paint again on this rock. I don’t use black much, in fact this is only the second time I’ve used it on a rock!
There are a lot of videos on the internet showing the devastation of the disaster in Japan, footage that you would not see on mainstream television. I can’t bring myself to watch it right now. The comments are painting a picture for me and it scares me to even take a look! A lot of healing to take place in the world, a lot of internal healing also.
I did see in the news that there was a 60 year old man rescued 15km out to sea. That is hope for me. That all is not doom and gloom and there still is life to preserve and hold on to. And every bit of hope there is, we need to hold on to. I celebrate with this man his life, and I also am sad that he will probably never see his wife again who was swept out to sea. And this is one of many many stories, I am sure will emerge. And the reality of many people not seeing their loved ones alive, ever again.
It’s a hot day today in Gisborne, it’s like summer has returned. Such a luxury. I thought about taking my new surfboard out in the sea and then my thoughts were of the people in Japan, the water and ocean that connects us, the loss of life out there…I just couldn’t bring myself to go there…wanting to respect the huge loss of life – it has really affected me.
A time to heal land, a time to heal people.
Self responsibility to heal.
PS – another soothing rock to paint, it is a pastel yellow colour called moonbean. The spiral is healing…
Passion is doing what I love, not just some of the time but all of the time, without limitations or boundaries. Free and uninhibited. I believe everyone should be doing what they love every day of their lives!! We spend so many hours of a week in jobs that we don’t like, working for someone else, pleasing other people, fulfilling someone else’s dreams and passions…why can’t we be fulfilling our own dreams and passions?
Passion for me is also having the desire to share who I am with others, passing on the joys and fulfillment of living a passionate and purposeful life!
PASSION = PASS-I-ON
PS – So I’m at day 43 for my rock of the day project – so stoked I have come this far! The rocks are fully a part of my life now, on all levels – actually they have been for the last 12 years anyway!! I was listening to Deep Purple when I was painting this rock which is kind of random because I haven’t listened to them for years, I don’t even know where that CD came from! But it was great to hear a different kind of music instead of thrashing the same music!! At least I’m going to be ready for Reggaelution on the 19th Feb and I know my words off by heart – haha!
I’m detoxing right now and although its the first day, I can already feel the effects of it. Its like I’ve automatically switched into detox mode! But detox for me is not just about my physical body detoxing, its about detoxing my whole being – if that makes sense! Its like having a tune up and service for the car!
So 3-4 times a year I go through this process of internal audit which includes consciously eating foods that are good for me right now as well as emptying out mentally and emotionally.
As I write this I remember the foods that we used to eat as children (like chocolate and sweet food!) and how my desire to eat them now would often be triggered by my emotions. Of course an emotional food for me! I LOVE chocolate, and I don’t think I will ever stop eating it, but now I am more conscious of when I’m eating it, how much I am eating and whether I’m actually eating as a reaction to something. And I’ve also found a ‘healthy’ chocolate that doesn’t give me headaches and has good ingredients in it!
I have so much to thank Vipassana meditation for. Although I am no longer practicing, the six years that I did practice really set me on the right path and I’m so grateful that it was at a young age. Vipassana was always a big ‘detox’ for me!
Now I’m using the Healing Codes which I think are very similar to Vipassana meditation in that they get to the root of the problem. They work with the energy in the body and I have had some amazing amazing results already with this healing system. So all this is part of my detox journey too…
People might think that I’m pretty hard out with my inner healing detox stuff and thats because I am. Believe me I’ve had a lot to detox and will probably be detoxing for the rest of my life. Life is one big healing journey for me…But I’ve also realised, everything in balance – I like to have fun too!!
And its SO nice to be doing yoga again and stretching out all the tightness that has been holding on over the past few weeks due to full on mahi and inspiration all around me that just kept my brain ticking over! And now I’m home in Gisborne, grounding myself again…until the next journey…
This rock is for Saul whose birthday it is today – Happy birthday Saul! When I was living in Taranaki Saul and Nikki were fantastic for helping me set up systems for my business. As an artist it was hard trying to tell myself that I needed a system to be more efficient because I was quite happy to just let my creativity ‘go with the flow’ lol. But it was the best thing that could have happened for my business. Anyway…giving a plug for Saul and Nikki here http://workflowgroup.co.nz Go check them out!
I was swimming out at Makorori beach today and had this overwhelming sense of fear of this huge expanse of water that I was in and then almost in the same breathe I had this feeling of being at one with Tangaroa – like I had become the water. It was so surreal, I can’t really explain how it felt…
I’ve been lost for words lately, and I think its because I’m bored! Some days I have lots to say and then other days I really struggle to focus on saying things that really matter or things that have substance…so if this seems like its all over the place, its because it is!
So I’ve arrived at a space of boredom, not that I don’t have lots to do because there is plenty of things to do, but you know when you just get bored with what you’re doing and you just want to branch out a bit and do something else, well thats me right now…
But this is not a new space for me, its a space that I always end up at when there are fresh ideas blooming (because I’m full of ideas!!) and fresh things on the horizon. Anyway…Its during these times where I start shedding some skin, I let go of things and invite new things to come in…you know that feeling of just wanting to break out and burst!
I also think I’m tired after the seven hour drive home to Gizzy…it always hits me on the day after the day I arrive home!
And while writing this post, I’m listening to some pretty awesome Aotearoa music! Aren’t Aotearoa musicians just awesome?? I’m listening to 1814, Six60, Katchafire, Kora, Che fu, Mihirangi, and Ardijah (and there are SO many more!!) and I feel like I’m in heaven…
Hei apopo – until tomorrow,
PS – Day 39 – wow! Some people have been asking me where I find the time to paint a rock a day. I make time – I committed to this at the beginning of the year and now there is no turning back! And I’ve told the world, so now the whole world is holding me accountable – yep, committed now! But more than that, I’ve committed to nurturing my creativity and sharing my journey and stories with others…
I’m mindful that this weekend is Waitangi weekend and is an important time for many Maori in Aotearoa and around the world.
I remember the strength of my tupuna, my ancestors and their resilience to continue. I remember the loss of life, the sacrifices made by many of our people to continue a legacy of hope for future generations…
I also look to a new horizon in the hope that our efforts to move forward as a people are about living in harmony with each other and that we also remember our other indigenous brothers and sisters around the world who are also walking this path with us, to reconnect with who they are…
And I say now, I forgive all the wrongs done in the past, I refuse to allow the effects of colonisation to have control over me. I let go of that mamae, of that pain in the hope that healing may come for all.
It is a big risk to say this, but I believe it is through taking risks of exposing oneself that progress, change and growth can happen. I honor my tupuna by taking this pathway, and by being on my own pathway of tino rangatiratanga, of self determination because this is where it starts I believe, with me…